It's the last week of High School for Cam. We have the announcements done and mailed. We have the cap and gown. We have the college all lined up and all we talk about around here is him leaving! A few months ago I was patting myself on the back while saying to myself how healthy I am about all of it! It seems that it has recently hit me with full force. I am an emotional mess! Things will never be this way again. Once they leave. . . well, no matter how often he comes home he will never really live here again. He's been on loan - he was never really mine. Even though I thought he was, it felt like he was.
We were sitting in this very room last week and I was on the computer and he was doing some homework and every once in a while we would say something to each other and we were both doing our thing. I had a thought right then "will I still feel this comfortable with him after he leaves?". I think when someone has lived inside you and then so closely with you for 17 years - there is just this level of comfort that you don't really have with anyone else. Maybe Cam wishes sometimes that I didn't feel quite so comfortable with him - but I do. I miss him already. I can't seem to stop thinking of it, when I really should just be enjoying the time I have left with him. Is he ready? What if he needs me? Who will be to him what I am right now? It is just sad - the end of this era. I am excited for him but very sad for me. Stay tuned. . . more whining to come.
4 comments:
soooooo sad! I can't even imagine...I'm dreading the day. But you know Cam is going to be an amazing adult out in the world... love you guys!
Stop! I was all focused on what I had to get done today, but once I get emotional, my energy seems to fade away. Seriously you made me cry. I never thought of it that way when I think of Tierra going to school. My first worries were 'will she be independent enough in the real world'. But you're right, it will never be the same. This happy little life that we sometimes complain about, with everybody home and noisy and all the chaos. It will be gone before I know it! But I'm excited to have Cam here, hopefully he will visit now and then. :)
I feel for you Paige...I know sons have a special place in mother's hearts. Remember, he's yours forever.
Wow, This is hard, isn't it? Your relationship will change, but it can change in a good way. He won't always be there to do homework with you, but his mission letters will make you the proudest of moms and the girl he takes to the temple will amaze you. Good luck with this next step in life!!
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