Christmas Comes on the 17th!

The house is decorated, the shopping and wrapping is well underway, the cards have been sent, the baking has begun and my radio station is tuned to Christmas music all month long - but it won't feel like Christmas until this Friday when Cam gets home at 7:40 pm.

I don't even particularly care if I get any presents this year (well, if you already got it don't let that statement stop you from giving it to me). All I care about is that feeling of my family being in-tact - all will be right in my world when he is back under this roof! I will be doing his laundry and cooking his favorite foods and taking care of him in any way he will let me. I will even lose to him in Scrabble just to make him feel good! Friday can't come fast enough!

Orange County

We have been going to visit my brother the last few Thanksgivings - he lives in Tustin, CA. It is kind of central between Seattle where my folks live, and Texas, so we meet there. There is so much to do there, so we usually try and plan something exciting to do while we are there.

We left on Wednesday morning. We (or maybe it was just me) had some anxiety about meeting up with Cam. This was his first time to do everything by himself. He had to catch the shuttle (even made his own reservations) to the SLC airport and fly to meet us on his own for the very first time. We actually bought him a ticket so he didn't fly on Continental (which was also a new experience for him - different terminal and everything!). We didn't want him to get trapped with so little time, flying standby in and out of SLC, which is usually kind of bad. The other bit of anxiety I had was the fact that Cam managed to get his cell phone busted the night before the trip playing Foosball - so we couldn't contact him by phone all day to see how he was doing. We all made it though. We flew into John Wayne Airport and got the car, quickly checked into our hotel (the Hyatt, very nice), then drove up to Longbeach Airport to get Cam. It all flowed pretty smoothly looking back on it now. After we picked up Cam we went over to Allen's and visited for awhile. With the 2 hour time difference it really becomes obvious at night, we are just plain tired before anyone else.

It was so good to see Cam. It felt "normal" - and I haven't felt "normal" since he left! Him being in the car, in restaurants, watching TV, or just near me felt so good. I can't really explain it. On Thursday morning Cory went to run in the annual Dana Point Turkey Trot and I stayed there with Cam sleeping in. When I woke up I just laid there listening to him breathe. No, I'm not a stalker - I just miss everything about him.

When we all got cleaned up and Cory returned from his run - I think he said he was 38seconds slower than what he was aiming for (good for him!), we left to head over to Allen's house. The guys put up the ping pong table - played ping pong - people cooked - we talked - watched football etc. Dinner was very good. Before everything was even cleaned up we took off for the theater to see Harry Potter. Cam and I actually both waited to see it so that we could see it together. It was nice sitting next to him and watching what has been so bonding for us for 10 years now. I don't think there is a parent alive that appreciates Harry Potter like I do. It came out when Cam was 7 - he wore glasses, but Harry did too so glasses became cool (and so did reading!). We read these books aloud together many many times and listened to the tapes and saw all of the movies and loved this story together. Cory even accompanied us and I don't think he hated it like he thought he would. We tried to get to bed early because we had a kayaking adventure planned for the next morning at Balboa Island.

The next morning we dragged Cam out of bed. We (and Allen and Tori) had 8:30 reservations for a 2 1/2 hour kayaking tour around Newport Beach/Balboa Island. While we were driving I listened to a message that the kayaking guy left at 11 pm the night before saying it was too cold to go. Great! so we were there waiting to kayak and we were willing to be cold, but the wimpy California guy wasn't! I tried to contact him but he wasn't around - so we made a new plan. First we went out to breakfast, which was yummy, then we rented some bikes and rode along the beach and around town. We hiked out to the end of the jetty. It turned out to be a gorgeous day and I was sad because kayaking would have been awesome - but we did alright. After this adventure we went to find a phone to replace Cam's broken one. We got him hooked up and returned to Allen's where the boys played more ping pong.

It is always hard saying goodbye, especially when I only see my family once a year. I got to thinking that they probably wouldn't see Cam again until after his mission, which blows my mind. When we took Cam to the airport to leave him for his flight I didn't even cry (I admit, I already cried that morning and the night before) because I kept telling myself that it is only two and a half weeks till he comes home for Christmas!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Is it just me - or does it seem that Thanksgiving isn't nearly as good as when we were young? I long for my Grandmother's thanksgiving dinner! The moist yummy turkey, pies, homemade rolls, mashed potatoes and awesome gravy - not to mention the apple butter and homemade jelly that she always had! She had a home that was conducive to entertaining and visiting too. Thanksgivings were just better in those days - elusive nowadays. I'm not saying that I didn't have a good holiday because I did. I just miss the Thanksgivings when I was young. I also miss the family that I knew as a child - the family before divorces and deaths and everyone scattering to the four winds. Does it just seem like things were better then - or were they really better?

Any Bitter Thing by Monica Wood

I read about this book on one of my book blogs and the title just seemed strange (negative) to me. But I trust this blog and they did not disappoint! The title doesn't really have anything to do with the book (they should have worked harder on the title) and I kept looking for correlations. I guess I finally arrived at the idea that a lot of bad (bitter) things happen to Lizzie - but she perseveres. Is it just me? I think a title should contain something obvious about the book. I mean let's face it any book could have this title - it just isn't specific enough for me. Okay - I have said my peace - the only questionable thing about this book is it's title - the rest is fabulous!

Lizzie was raised by her priest uncle because her parents die when she is an infant (and by the way I love learning about other religions in this context, not in a book about Catholicism but a book about people who happen to be catholic!). She has an idyllic childhood because he is warm and caring and fun. There are misunderstandings which for various reasons can not be cleared up and he is accused of molesting her. She is taken away from him and has to go and live with a yucky aunt, who lies and tells her that her uncle died. When she is thirty she is hit by a car while jogging. While in the hospital she sees her uncle in what she perceives to be a vision at first but then questions whether it might have been real. That is all I want to say because I want it to unfold as beautifully for you as it did for me. It was very clean, thought provoking and emotional, with moral questions and dilemmas. I absolutely loved it!

New Recipes for Halloween

A couple of weeks ago I had a little get together here at the house. Of course it was Halloween themed, so I wanted all the food to match. I was going for an all orange and black food list which required some research on my part. I found some interesting new recipes that I thought I would share. Also, Cory showed me how to add a link so I needed to test my new skills.

Pumpkin Cheese Ball - there is no pumpkin in this, that is the name because of the shape. It was really good and quite simple.

Golden Wedding Punch - absolutely delicious! I was bloated by the end of the evening because I couldn't leave it alone.

Pumpkin Bars - at the top, Tex Mex Black Bean Dip - which didn't turn out as black as I had hoped. I have made this again just for Cory and I and I doubled the recipe and used one can of regular black beans and one of re-fried black beans and it made it darker. I liked the texture better too because those little black beans are kind of hard to mash like the recipe tells you too. And I left out the corn - I didn't want the yellow. And then Savory Party Bread - which was to die for but doesn't keep well after a few hours. I realize that this did not fit in with the pronounced color scheme - but I wanted something else. I thought about making it with cheddar cheese (for the orange) but didn't think I should veer from the recipe when I hadn't even tried it before.

I served the black bean dip with those dark (blue corn, I think) chips, which were great. I also made just a regular chocolate cookie recipe but added some chopped up orange colored melting chocolate which really looked nice for my color scheme.

The night was a success - the food was a success and I was thrilled with these new recipes!

Donut Day

Donut Day fell on Saturday October 16th this year. This is an annual Birt tradition that has been going on since before my time even (22 yrs). It is always a Saturday in October where we spend the entire day making donuts, eating donuts, delivering donuts to friends and family and pretty much exhausting everything "donut". We began very early that day with just Nolan, Diane, Cory and myself preparing the dough. At this stage of the game, Diane is preparing 4 batches of donuts and needs help with the kneading and rolling out of more than 500 donuts and holes too!


Here we are working our respective batches while everyone else in the family is probably sleeping (I know for a fact that Cam was - because he picked up Cory flying in from D.C., and me from Houston from the airport at midnight the night before.)

Of course - this had to turn into some sort of competition to see who's dough would rise the fastest - it ended up being between Nolan's and mine (Diane would say she had a bigger bowl and Cory would say something about the shape of his bowl).



Diane chatting while she works. This is roughly half of one batch. I'm telling you there are LOTS of donuts here!

Some of Larry's kids finally showed up to help. These two lucky devils ate the very first of the donuts this year. Cory working the first shift on the fryer. (All these donuts and we had to wait forever for Angela to arrive with the second fryer.) Production was slow at first.

Cam finally got up to help - well I think I went down to get him up around noon. I wanted to actually spend some time with him while he was "visiting". He ate a few and then took a turn on the fryer. Shaury is trying to pose with her donut and her dipping stick (to glaze the donuts). She was quite the specialist over in that corner.

Isn't he handsome?

Jonah doing his part cutting out.


And Larry finally arrives with the other fryer.

Abby smiling while she works!

Cam still getting it done (actually I don't think he worked longer than anyone else on the fryer I just took more pics of him while he was there) - and another pose from goofball Shaury.

Me, I guess bossing a little. Finally got a shower too. (my chin looks strange in that picture). Pheobe and Will arrive from a soccer game.

Hudson arrives and takes his turn even though he didn't feel all that well. (again Shaury poses)

Cam on his computer getting some input on his winter semester schedule that he will be registering for very soon. So nice to be right next to him!

A wonderful day - warm outside (which isn't always the case) and all the family together working, eating, visiting and being together. One of my very favorite traditions!

A Visit from Becky

I am behind in blogging - I'm having a party tonight and have been busy with preparations and probably shouldn't even be doing this now - but I was thinking I could make it quick before I head out to do the yard. A week or two ago Diane and Becky came down for a visit. I had noticed a while ago that Hairspray was going to be in town, so I immediately thought of Becky (it being her favorite movie and all). So I invited her and Diane to come for a few days to go and see it with me. (It seemed a little too musical for Cory.)

They got here on Thursday night and we went to Sweet Tomatos for dinner (because I love it there and Cory isn't crazy about it). On Friday we went to the temple for a visit.




Then we went to get our nails done. In fact, Becky was the one to get those cute spiders put on her big toes that I copied a week later. Diane always wants to get her nails done when she comes - it is hilarious listening to her conversations with the vietnamese ladies that she can not understand at all! She is a good sport and anything they offer to do to her she usually lets them (nails, toenails, eyebrows, bikini wax (jk on the last one).

After that we went over to Old Town Spring - which is a little section of town (the old part) where it's all renovated little homes which are now quaint little shops. We ate fried twinkies and fried oreos and had quiche on a patio cause the weather was wonderful. I paid $4 for an unmarked white chocolate haystack and then we came home to get ready for the play.

Becky and I waiting for the play to start - we barely made it in time because Cory wasn't there to navigate around downtown and I don't know where I am going. (This is when Diane got in trouble from the usher for using her camera.) The play was good - I had never seen the movie, so I didn't know what it was about or what to expect but I really enjoyed it. Becky could have sung all the songs like the girls behind us tried to but she was much too polite to do that, too bad those girls didn't take a lesson.

After the show waiting for the valet to bring the car around.

On Saturday we went out to some outlet stores that I had heard about but never been to - they turned out to be fabulous and I will definitely return! Becky got something for each of her kids and I got some stuff for Cam. We met up with Cory later in the afternoon for dinner at El Rincon. We ate so much over the course of the weekend that I didn't eat anything till 5pm on Sunday! (I truly wasn't hungry till then.) Becky and Diane left on the morning flight back to Utah. It was a wonderful visit - I don't think Becky has been down here since Cam got baptized in 2000.

A Cheesy Halloween

I like Halloween - not the actual scary Halloween night evil kind of stuff. But I like the beautiful weather, the colors, the candy and the decorations for Halloween. In fact I like cheesy stuff like shirts and ear rings. So. . .looky looky what I found!

My feet are kinda cute - except for that dang bunion!!

Old Friends

Cory met Alex at BYU when he was working on his Master's. They hit it off pretty quickly and began studying together. One of the reasons we went to LA after grad school was because Alex had already accepted a job and kind of talked Cory into interviewing there. We never would have considered going to LA without his influence - but Alex being there made it more appealing. Cory loved his work experience in LA, especially seeing Alex every single day - and we have many fond memories of that time in our lives. In fact, when they were having thier first child Alex called Cory in the middle of the night saying that he forgot his movie camera, but couldn't leave the hospital - so Cory ran up there with ours so that Alex wouldn't miss recording his daughter's birth. We have missed being able to see he and Lori regularly. This picture was taken at an Arthur Andersen Christmas party.

10 years ago we took a trip to Paris together and had a blast. It was a little chilly - but we saw beautiful things and ate beautiful food with people that we really enjoy being around - so again we made some awesome memories together. We have said since that time that we need to take another trip together. In fact we had a trip to Spain planned but then 9/11 happened and there was a travel advisory and we didn't get to go. We have tentatively scheduled a planning session when we see them next month while we are visiting my brother for Thanksgiving in LA (where Alex and Lori still live).

This was taken in LA when Cory was in town for something or other - they got together (without me) for dinner. Cory will always go out of his way to spend any time with Alex that he can.

Earlier this month Cory ran the St. George marathon for the 4th consecutive year. But while we were there we got to visit with Alex (who also ran) and Lori for awhile. This was taken just a few hours after the marathon. Cory pointed out that it was Alex who talked him into running 5 or so years ago.

Alex took this picture being funny - so of course Cory is trying to be serious. What would our lives be like without the joy, influence and comfort of good friends?

The Lost Quilter by Jennifer Chiaverini

This proves that one can find a very good book just by chance. I normally search for books on the library web site, put them on hold, wait for my notification e-mail, then go to the library and pick up my books. A while ago I was just wandering the stacks with nothing particular in mind and saw the word "quilter" and picked up what I concluded to be a very good book! It is about a slave woman named Joanna who is taught to sew by another slave woman, Ruth. The older slave woman teaches Joanna to sew so she can stay in the "big" house with her. Both have no family with them and grow attached to each other. Joanna becomes very proficient. Unfortunately, Joanna soon catches the eye of the master and her problems begin. She ends up pregnant, and in one very ugly scene fights the owner's unwanted advances, is nearly killed - and ends up running away. Some undergroud folks help her for a while and during this time she has her baby but then very suddenly is found out and dragged back to her plantation, with some stops along with way. Her capture was so sudden that her baby was left with the nice undergroud family (who end up raising it at their own - made possible by it's very light skin). She is then sold to the owner's brother and his family where she meets another slave, falls in love and marries - only to be given as a wedding present to a daughter - thus separated from her husband and new baby again! The backdrop to all of this is the Civil War and that lasts throughout the end of the book. All these years Joanna is dreaming of running away again with her new family to find her long lost son, the trouble is that they aren't actually together. It is with this dream in mind that she puts the directions to freedom - as she remembers them from her first escape - into a quilt for her husband who doesn't know the way to freedom. The story is told very well and I was enthralled by the second chapter.

Kit Bit!

Alright, how many cat posts are too many? That is a good question - I wish I didn't have to write this one but I just have to tell you about my traumatic day yesterday with my beloved kitty. Got up like any other day - went to the kitchen to get my vitamins and diet coke (yes, ironic combo isn't it?). No meowing at the back door, but didn't think much of it. I went upstairs to my computer and began my routine (farming) and didn't think about the cat again until Cory asked where she was, and I replied that she was outside still. Cory proceeds to get ready and then leave for work and I decide to go and get the cat from outside so that she can eat and be brushed etc. I open the back door - which is all I normally have to do, and she isn't there. I get my shoes on and step out into the back yard and call for her, which always works and then I whistle for her - Kit will do anything I tell her to if I whistle (kind of dog like actually). Still, no Kit. I start to get worried because this is one hungry kitty in the mornings and usually very obedient when called. I keep calling and whistling and pretty soon she appears in the garage doorway holding her foot up and acting like she is going to die right there on the spot while I am looking at her! I go over to her and try to touch her and she lets out a horrible sound and hisses and makes all sort of rabid overtures at me. I try to pick her up and same thing - except she acts like I am killing her too by making this awful whining noise that cats make when they are in paid. I quickly conclude - "hit by car!" I take her in and she is doing that fight or flight thing where she wants to kill me one second and is trying to find some seclusion so she can go off and die the next. I am bawling my eyes out by this point and I call Cory to ask him if he ran over the cat on his way out of the garage. Now we are both upset. I knew it would add a whole new element of stress and anxiety to get Kit into her carrier (she knows what that is for and where she goes in it) and then to be poked and prodded by someone that she despises (the vet), so I say to myself I will give her a while to rest, plus it just seemed awful to manhandle her when she hurt so bad. Actually, the last time I took my sick kitty to the hospital they put her down and I really wasn't looking forward to that again (this may have been the true cause of my reluctance!).

I give her a couple hours to recoup and she sleeps the entire time - and then I rationally plot out that it is Friday and that I had better do something before the weekend while I still can. I call the vet and tell them what I think happened and how she is acting and the doctor is already out of town for the weekend so they refer me to another doctor. They even very nicely call there to tell them to expect me. I load the cat up - in a laundry basket so that she won't get all worked up about it and load her into the car.

The doctor gives her a sedative - not the sleep kind but the muscle relaxing kind - so that he can touch her to do his exam. She is quite cooperative now - and it is discovered that she was not hit by a car but viciously attacked and bitten by another feline in our own yard!!! The bite is now infected and Kit has a fever of 105! The fever is what is making her act like she is dying - he said cats are dramatic and really don't handle fevers well at all. In fact, he actually said cats act like "men" when they have a fever (kind of true, you must admit). So - she got a shot of antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory shot as well and we were on our way home. He also told me to re-think Kit spending her evenings outside as this behavior is common in the cat world (bullies!). We do have some very unwelcome cats that seem to congregate out back and make all manner of awful noises but we mistakenly thought they were friends with our cat - not monsters! We even tease her about her popularity and her night life. Well, she is probably going to be spending her evenings inside from now on and go out in the day now that it is getting cooler. So, so, soooo relieved that it all worked out and she is alive and well and still with me!

Prayer

I've been thinking a lot lately about "prayer". It's funny how something can change in your life and add a new dimension to something that you thought you had a pretty ironclad grasp on. Since Cam left for school I have had some insights into how God must feel sometimes. I am not saying that I am privvy to any more inspiration about God than anyone else, and I'm not saying I am on the same level as God - don't judge me just yet. I just developed some empathy for God and I want to allow that to help me deal with my own efforts at prayer, that's all.

Cam is having the time of his life at BYU. So, our relationship that seemed so close (and probably still is), has felt "changed" to me because I don't get to talk to him on a daily basis. He has things to do and (if I could stop dwelling on him) so do I. He calls us - but sometimes we have to prompt him with a text or note on FB. When we do talk, sometimes he is distracted by homework, or others in the room, or an activity that he is involved in. It has bothered me that he hasn't felt strongly enough about our relationship that he would need the prompting. I thought that he would feel a strong desire to tell us about things and hear our voices and just visit with the two people who love him more than anyone else. In this whole train of thought - right about here is where I started considering how God must feel about our (my) prayers (or calls home). He thought we were so close when we left Him to come here. He thought we would always stay in touch, that we would long to hear His voice above so many other distractions. He appreciates our rote, quick, repetative prayers but longs for us to put more time and effort into the communication - He expected so much more. (This is a very common analogy used in our church but I took it a little further.) Coming to this earth is just like going off to school - are we keeping in touch with our parents like we should? And not just because we are supposed to - but because we miss them and value that eternal relationship? So although I know God understands (He understands everything) that things here get hectic and we still love Him even though we get distracted (and I am trying to be like Him and be understanding toward Cam) - it has still made me want to try harder in my essential bond with Him. I don't want to cause him to "understand" - I want Him to feel my level of committment and love for Him by my focused efforts. That's all. Just thought I'd share what seemed kind of profound to me. I hope I explained it okay - sometimes profundity doesn't translate well.

Don't make fun of a Cat Lady

I guess I'm not really a cat lady since I only have one cat. But I have been able to relate to being a cat lady in the sense that I don't really have anything else to take care of or nurture - so I baby my cat. I am very much a mother with no one to mother and somehow this little lady helps me. In the beginning we tried to call her "Paisley" but it never took. We just call her "Kit" - like we called our last cat. We lack originality in a big way. She doesn't seem to mind.

This is Kit in some plastic that she found. I guess she likes the crinkly sound of it - but when there is some to be found - she is all over it, just laying it it like she's in heaven! She gets pretty hot in it and starts breathing fast so we usually have to give her a break from it for her own good.

Another plastic thing - a used Sam's Water case - these she can mess with for weeks!

She still enjoys a q-tip whenever she can get her paws on one - this is very strange to me and I just can't figure out the allure - small pleasures, what can I say?

This is Kit's favorite spot - in her bed by the window. I look over there at least 10 times a day thinking I should get a picture because she is doing something really cute. I think she is so pretty and she is spunky and feisty and she just fits in with our family. She is part of our routine and she enjoys her routine. She is definitely helping me cope with Cam's leaving too. I am thankful I have my Kit.

New Floors?

I was so excited to get new floors and I was excited to blog about it too! One thing about blogging is that when you are happy about something others can share in it and that usually makes the happiness even better. Well, I have some floor sorrow - perhaps you can share in that too. We began the floor process the week prior to Cam leaving. Already a lot going on - and knowing that they would be all messed up until a week after he left was kind of unnerving. Anyway, it began in the foyer. Our house is open for the two stories from the foyer (hard to explain) so when something is done (like breaking apart old tile) you can feel, hear, smell and be affected in each and every room of the house! The tile dust got EVERYWHERE!!!! I have been cleaning blinds, walls, curtains etc. since the project was finished and still there is dust!

Once the tile was broken up and removed we noticed our first of many problems. The cement under the foyer floor was a different consistency than the other floors. The builders probably needed to build up the foyer to be level with the living and dining rooms so they put a layer of cement on top of the cement. The trouble was this particular cement was that it was soft and broke apart easily. So when the worker was taking out the old tile it caused huge gouges in the cement - the worker proceeded to fill the large holes but left some of the smaller ones. In hindsight I should have insisted that he put cement all over the foyer and level it out. I obviously know nothing about installing floors which is why I hired someone else, I mistakenly assumed he knew his profession. Anyway, our laminate flooring was laid - and now we have soft spots in the foyer!!!! He assured me it would be fine. Well, now that it has been a few weeks we have the seam covers (where one rooms surface meets another rooms different surface the seam is covered) not flush with the floors! It has raised in just two weeks, what will it look like in a year? OH the HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! It gets worse. . .

The kitchen floor was tiled - which looks gorgeous and I am in love with it. Until a piece of the tile trim fell away from the wall! Then the water began. . .it was under a window which made me assume that all the rain we have been having was getting inside somehow. But then I noticed it coming from under the cabinets! It seems the dishwasher was hooked back up incorrectly causing water to get back behind our walls and it traveled clear around the walls to land under the window and the other direction to come out from under the cabinets. I already had a plumber come out right after the installation to fix the leak under the sink - but this was a completely different animal. So now there are two holes in my wall - where my handyman was trying to find the source of the water. WHY it didn't just come out right from under the dishwasher I will never know - it sure would have been easier to diagnose and fix -but lately God has been torturing me. So now the inside of my walls are drying out with fans running 24/7 and hopefully it will be dry enough to patch early next week. The dishwasher is up and running again and out from the middle of the floor - yay!

Back to the floors (don't know why this is so blurry) - so excited to do these floors. It is really the first cosmetic thing we have ever done. We are usually doing "must do" repairs like siding or plumbing or something. Now the floors are ruined for me - they have been nothing but a headache - they might look pretty but I know I got a raw deal and all I see is every little problem that I should NOT have to live with. I can't even SEE the floors through all the misery that they have been. And all the while I have had to deal with one problem after another I have been miserable with missing Cam - who is having the time of his life and can barely remember our phone number!

Cam's gone

I have always prided myself on being emotionally healthy - especially given my messed up childhood. I have bounced back from some bad things. I have been known to complain or have a crying spell but I can usually snap myself out of it pretty quick. I always try to look on the bright side. Cory teases me about saying "things always work out". I generally am a fairly upbeat, optimistic person.

Having said that - let me just say I am unhinged at the moment. Last Monday Cam and I left in his car for the long trip to Provo, Utah. We had a lovely time seeing the countryside (Oklahoma, Kansas and Colorado) and listening to Harry Potter on CD (love Jim Dale). Cam and I have taken lots of trips together - sometimes with Cory, sometimes without. We are excellent travel companions. We like the same kind of things. We seem to just mesh - we always have. I tried really hard not to think about the reason for the trip while it was happening because I wanted to enjoy my last few days with him. I also think my nervous breakdown might confuse him into thinking that I am not completely thrilled for him. So, I had a handle on things pretty well. We each drove a tank of gas and then we would switch driving. We spent the night in WaKeeney, KS and drove 50 miles in one of the worst rain storms I have ever witnessed. We made sure to pick up our fridge magnets in the OK and KS, as we haven't been to those states before.

It seemed like we made really good time and all in all the trip was pretty wonderful. We arrived in Ogden to spend the night at Pop and Gram's the night before he was to check in at the dorms. Cory flew in late that night so he could be there at BYU the next day with us.

On Wednesday we drove down to BYU. We took care of all the essentials ie: ID card, books, scholarship, sports pass, computer hook-ups, parking, making up his room etc. (this is him in his dorm room). Cam took us to lunch on his new meal plan in the Cougar Eat. It was a nice, productive day. It was good that we were so busy running from one place to another so that we didn't have much time to reflect. At around 5:30 Cam needed to head over to a meet and greet Barbecue - so Cory and I went to the store and shopped to stock his dorm fridge and took ourselves out to dinner. I teared up saying goodbye to Cam - but nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't sob or lose control. I just said I loved him and kissed and hugged him goodbye.

(Just as an aside - I ran into an old heart throb while we were taking care of things. I only recognized him because he looked exactly like his dad - except a really scruffy version of his dad! He introduced me to his wife as someone he went to school with. I said that I had been his girlfriend at one point in time and his wife said "why didn't you stay with him, it would have saved me a lot of heartache!" His freshman daughter was standing right there. Can you say "awkward"? Anyway, I came away thinking about the song "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks. He was never all that nice to anyone really, but me in general. Can't say that I know what I ever saw in him now.)

When we got back up to Ogden I went to bed early so that I could bawl. And I have been bawling ever since. Nothing seems like it will ever be good again without Cam here. He is my only child but it is more than that - I think he was my best friend. Probably not all that healthy. I just love his personality. I love how he doesn't really say much - but when he does it is usually so wise and mature. I love being with him. I love cooking for him and taking care of him. I like sharing books with him and playing games with him and being a part of his daily life. I am no longer part of his daily life and I never will be again. Well, unless you count when I am old and maybe he has me come and live at his house because I can't take care of myself anymore. Really, I get him on vacations now - for a day or two here or there. It isn't enough! I can't even convey how pathetic I am right now - I have amazed even myself. In the past when something upsetting would happen I would always pull myself together for Cam's sake. But Cam's not here anymore and I can't seem to find a reason to pull myself together.

I'm not old enough for this phase of life - the phase where Cory and I are alone in this big house with no Cam. I don't have any grand kids to look forward to anytime soon either! I can do anything in the world that I want - I can travel anywhere, but the only thing that I want to do is go back in time and be with my son for a little longer. I should have started him in school a year later - he just barely turned 18 last week! Somebody just shoot me!

Eagle Scout Award

Okay - I don't know what is wrong with my camera. I probably inadvertantly pushed something causing my pictures to blur. I have to post them anyway - because I am so proud. At the beginning of the summer this seemed like pure torture for both of us. I pretty much forced Cam to do his Eagle Project so that he could get his Eagle Scout Award (he was already done with all of his merit badges). Eventually he got on board and developed a good attitude and last week he even told me that he was glad that I pressured him into finishing it. This picture was taken right when he got home from his stressful Board of Review, where he was quizzed on his scouting history and his project. I'm really hoping that throughout his life he has occasion to feel a sense of accomplishment for completing something worthwhile, that he enjoys his associations in "the Eagles' Nest" and that lessons learned in scouting are appreciated and acknowledged. I am so proud of him.

This is a blurry shot of all of his merit badges.

I also have to report that he earned his Duty to God Award as well. He was busy completing many things this summer - as well as attending summer school. He is a good boy, no doubt about it.

Cam is 18!

Today Cam turns 18!!! Where has the time gone? I am not this old and neither is he! He isn't actually leaving home next week and starting his formal education in another state - all on his very own! But he is.

(You see how Cam knows to cooperate with my need for a birthday photo? He does a good job of being dramatic with these shots. Maybe he is kind of a ham at heart.)

We had Cam's birthday dinner, with birthday cake on Sunday - since his birthday falls midweek this year. Now that it is his actual birthday we can do some of the things we need to do such as get his new license and register for the draft. We will spend a fun filled day at one of the worst DMV's in history. We have spent a couple of his birthdays there. Texas has some strange driving laws. You go there when you turn 15 for a permit, then 16 for the actual license and then 18 for a different direction for your photo, then again at 21 to receive your "I can drink now license" - the one so that bars don't have to look too closely to know that you are legal. (Can you say racket?).

And for this evenings continued celebration Cam will be at his Board of Review for his Eagle Scout Award (the fun never ends!). I hope there is some point in there today where he can actually feel happy and unfettered!

Tri Girl Sprint Triathlon

Well - I guess you could say I accomplished one of my life goals yesterday. I have been wanting to do a triathlon since I was a teenager when my grandpa and I would time each other on the stationary bike and swimming laps and him walking/me jogging. I know he would have loved to have been able to do something like I was able to do yesterday - so he was on my mind all day, feeling that he was happy for me. It wasn't the distance I dreamed about doing - but hey, I'm 45 now and a few pounds heavier than I probably should be, so this distance will have to do. It was 300 meter swim, 11 mile bike and 3 mile run. It was a beautiful Texas morning, the whole thing was pretty fun and pretty satisfying.

I was fairly nervous going in - and the day before I was second guessing my decision to do it. If I hadn't already paid I might have backed out. I was even kind of hoping that Cory would forget to pick up my packet downtown so I would have a good excuse (and maybe someone else to blame). It all worked out. The part that makes you nervous is just not having ever done it before and not knowing exactly what to do and how everything is supposed to be. Cory was there - he helped with my bike (which is old and has some issues) and he navigated us to the event and he waited and watched and was a big support. In fact, over the years it has been Cory that has always encouraged me to do a triathlon - ever since the very first time I mentioned it to him probably 22 years or so ago. I also think he was a little more excited about it than me - cause I was just plain nervous.

The swim is first and it was the leg that I was the least worried about. But, I do train alone - so I really didn't know how my swimming stacked up against others. It turned out I got 9th in my age group (out of 32) and I definitely started far back in the pack. That wasn't swimming all out because we were the 3rd heat and there were a lot of people in that lake! I had hands all over me and my hands were all over some other people too. I kept thinking I was going to get the wind kicked out of me. The swim was fun though - I felt good getting out of that water and I knew I had done well.

The bike was next and I felt good going in. I peddled right along with everyone else - except my bike is a mountain bike and the gears apparently don't go as low as some others - the people on the touring bikes had the definite advantage. Do you know how discouraging it is to see some 300 lb. woman pass you not even sweating and you are pumping like crazy and nearly standing still (or that is what it seemed like). Cory would like to get me a good (expensive) bike but I can't see paying for a new bike at this stage in my life - even if I do 3 or 4 more of these. It just wouldn't be cost effective (I am married to an accountant, that's why I throw around phrases like that). Anyway - the bike was fine - a little beyond my control. I feel pretty confident that had all equipment been equal, I could have competed with the best of them. I am fairly strong on the bike. And I also want to add that I love my bike. It was a great bike when I bought it 21 years ago, I have been riding it for a long time and it has been very good to me - I think I am kind of defensive about it!



This is a shot of the transition area - it was kind of organized chaos with hundreds of bikes and every ones essentials laying around. My transition times were pretty good - between the bike and the run Cory didn't even see me go by and I yelled his name twice because I could see he was looking for me. (The batteries in the camera died - so I can't even prove that I finished, you will have to take my word.)

The run is last and this was the leg that I was most concerned about - you are kind of tired after the bike and your legs feel like jelly. I'm not an exceptional runner - although I do it and I enjoy it, I am well aware of my limitations. I knew what to expect and I took it very slow till I got my legs back under me. It was a nice feeling finishing and having the whole thing under my belt. My grandpa was on my mind the whole time and a couple of things that the announcer said prior to the race. He was talking about being thankful for our health and our ability to compete in the things we choose. I am thankful for my health and my life - and the support of my family. I also feel good being able to say that I did something I have always wanted to do.

New Experiences

Alright, last Wednesday I redeemed my acupuncture visit that Cory gave me for my birthday. I have a persistent annoyance with my right hip from running. I'll admit I was a little nervous going in, mostly wondering if I was going to have to take off my clothes, as I had forgotten any regular underwear. As you know, I am of the conservative variety - and this is beyond my normal comfort zone. I told Cory - just watch, it will be a hole above some Chinese restaurant in a bad part of town. So when he got the voucher for me he assured me it was in a good part of town - he wasn't able to confirm or deny the existence of a Chinese restaurant though.

Well, when I arrived (plenty early - cause I am not familiar with that part of town and therefore gave myself plenty of time) I made my way to the door - and then up the stairs

(but not above a restaurant) to the smallest of what could only have been a very small apartment at one time, with no air conditioning (I think it was broken that day). The temperature in my car said it was 105 outside - so the upstairs of the old building was fairly warm. The rooms were super crowded with furniture arranged to be a waiting area and the reception desk and shelves of Chinese herbs just waiting to be concocted into remedies, and a curtained off area where someone was being acu-punctured, let me say again - SMALL! The woman in charge had her mom working as her receptionist - I know that cause she called her "mom". After I waited my turn - sheets changed, curtains parted, fans adjusted - I went in to the very tiny room and she told me to climb on the bed.


We had previously had our consultation where I told her my issues - hip pain caused by running, frequent irregularity, severe cramps with bloating etc. Let me just say this - very thorough history and consultation! The information I gave her determined where the needles were going to be placed. She went right to it, once I was laid out. She said she could tell some things by my pulse - but didn't tell me what they were. She looked at my tongue - said it was swollen and "pink" (I agreed) - but then said that it meant that maybe I was slightly dehydrated. I wondered what color my tongue was supposed to be?

Then she started putting the needles in - you could hardly feel it. She was kinda trying to talk me through it - but I assured her needles don't give me any pause - do your thing lady. She stuck one in each arm, at least one in each hand, one by each knee, at least one in each foot, 2 one each side of my stomach and one dead center in my forehead. If you are asking yourself why I don't know exactly how many needles she put it in me - it is as I already said - you could hardly feel it. Then she turned on some Asian sounding music and closed the curtain. I laid there trying to feel if I felt anything (if you know what I mean). I kind of dozed off a time or two until the music could make a weird noise and startle me out of it.

I started thinking it felt like a long time and then my mind was wandering about what I would do if they left the building and I had to get up and find the needles and remove them before any of them bent or caught on anything and how I would accomplish this. Then I started thinking - how long would I lay there before I actually did get up (if they had left me). Would I lay there an hour? 3 hours? What is the normal amount of time to wait for the person administering acupuncture to you, to be away. I was trying to mentally telepathy-ize her to come back in and get me because my queries were starting to cause me some anxiety. I was in there for a full half hour. When she came in she promptly removed all pins - (I asked if she had ever forgotten to take a pin out and she admitted that she had). Then she proceeded to do some massaging and stretching of my head, neck and shoulders - which felt amazing - (it had a special name, which I do not remember)I would have gone just for that! Then it was over.

It has been two days now, and I have to admit I feel pretty good. Yesterday was my yard day and I am usually kind of worn down after that - but I feel great! I don't think I would mind going again even. I think I may ask for that again for my birthday!