Changes

This is going to be a strange and anxiety filled week. Ironically - after getting a job so that I could deal with Cameron going away to college. . .I have been laid off. The ironic part is that this is the same week that acceptance letters go out to see if Cam is going away to college!

The state grant that paid for my position and another guy in the office (both part time people) was drastically cut and therefore the money is gone that pays for these 2 positions. It may come back next year??? My boss says I will be the first person she calls. But that if I have to get another job she will give me the best possible recommendation. Those things should make me feel better but I haven't really let them. When someone tells you that you are out, no matter what the reason, you feel kind of rejected.

When my supervisor told me she cried - and I was too concerned about comforting her to really process the situation. It isn't the money - because obviously Cory makes enough money and has for all these years without any income from me. But - it was the perfect job for me. The hours, the volunteers, the duties involved and of course the MOW program which I totally believe in! I am sad! This summer is when I needed this job the most and now I will have to deal with his leaving without the daily distraction of a job.

Friday is my last day - so all this week will be saying "goodbye" to nice people that I have grown attached to, who volunteer their time and gas to deliver meals to homebound people. These goodbyes make me uncomfortable and I wish I didn't have to see it through, but it will be good for me to just face the situation and feel the feelings.

I have been trying to look at the bright side of things - my yard will look better this summer, my house will be cleaner, I can do things with my friends during the day like I used to, I am on my own schedule again, I can be home when Cam gets home for another few months, I can play more farmville, I can be with my cat more and the list goes on and on. It will all be alright, I know this. And even though I will miss him more than anything in the world when he leaves home, I want Cam to get accepted this week and go off and start his life as an adult and have fun at college and learn and grow and stretch. I wish we could just hurry up and get the letter and stop all the anxiety about the situation. I will be glad when this week is over!

P.S. I will still volunteer for MOW just as I did before I ever got the job.