This seems Valentine's Day appropriate - but it really isn't. A few months ago I was having a conversation with someone about familial affection. This person maintained, in that "everyone knows this" kind of tone, that family members (except husband and wife) should not kiss on the lips. I had never heard this before and I reacted a little differently than I normally would. I guess normally I would just think "whatever" or maybe argue my point of view. But my reaction was one of insecurity - like maybe I have been doing something wrong. Like maybe the rest of decent society got the memo on kissing and I didn't. And here I am, the "pervert" mother - kissing her son on the lips every night of his life!!!
I was raised in a VERY affectionate family - slightly too affectionate if that's possible. It was often affection that made me cringe (because I am the normal amount of affectionate). It was longer than necessary hugs, kisses (yes, on the lips from all family members), holding hands, back rubbing, cheek squeezing, hair mussing etc. None of this seems even slightly unnatural to me, annoying sometimes yes, but not unnatural. My Mom's hugs last about 5 minutes - full body contact with some big extra squeezes thrown in and some dialogue added for effect "Mmm, you feel sooooo good!". That kind of thing. You give her "the release pat" - and she just keeps right on mauling. She is a hugger and her hugs are anticipated and accepted (and undoubtedly sometimes "endured") by everyone who knows her. She has kissed me on the lips my whole life, I never thought a thing of it. So, the fact that I raise my son with kisses and hugs and this same touchy behavior seems logical. I love him - I want him to know I love him - this behavior comes naturally to me. I "show" love the same way that I was "shown" love.
This may be my disclaimer if those of you reading my blog have seen me kissing my son on the lips and have thought I seem overly affectionate. Perhaps you got that memo I was talking about. I am really curious now though. Is it not proper or acceptable to kiss family members on the lips?
11 comments:
I think it's fine. I kiss all of my kids on the lips still, of course they are not as old as Cam, so I don't know if or when it will stop.
Yuck, no! Not just no but H E double toothpicks no it's not acceptable. :) But then, you know the family I grew up in (sorry to say it Mom).
Gee - I have to say from my own husband that seems like somewhat of a betrayal. You see me kiss Cam every night after his prayers - if you had a problem with it perhaps you could have taken it up with me years ago. But no, make me look stupid on my own blog!
I think if your kids are fine with it, then go for it. I enjoyed reading your description of your mom's hugs. If you're the one "enduring" it then enough is enough.
In our family we kiss and hug and everyone seems comfy with it but I think I'm going to take an informal poll and ask the kids what they think.
I also think there are some families that need to show more affection and when the kids aren't getting that affection at home, then they could go looking for it somewhere else.
Since you asked me to comment on your blog, I thought you still had your "stalker" post on because yours hasn't updated on my blog since then. So I was surprised to find you have blogged since.
There is no written rule to how you show affection with family. If anything YOURS is the best way. Overly affectionate is better than under affectionate because I believe if the child (or anyone) is craving affection and doesn't get it in the home, they will look for it elsewhere, which we don't want happening. I think it is great you kiss Cam on his lips. Hudson tries to avoid any kisses, but it's all for show. Logan and Parks LOVE kisses, we do the butterfly kisses, then Eskimo kisses, then cheek kisses etc. It goes on and on. I can't say that I kiss Tierra though. Just hugs. I really don't like to see brothers and sisters tickling each others backs past the age of 10. It is just creepy to me, especially in church!
Calm rapids comment wasn't on there when I started my comment so I just repeated what she said about affection. I think I too will take a poll. I'm curious if Tierra would want a kiss. ha ha
And I'm surprised you Want your family to read your blog since it might offend them. :) You might not get those extra long hugs from mom after this blog!
Alright, I took an informal poll at work today and the general concensus was that whatever affection you show is fine (not the incest kind) but that usually when your kids get to be a certain age the lip thing kinda dies down. I guess since neither Cam nor I know any different and it is part of the nightly routine - it just is. I will peck him on the lips as long as he is fine with it. The other thing I heard today Shaury is that you are supposed to kiss little kids and babies to build up their immunities - just thought you would be interested. Do you actually tell your kids NOT to kiss you or how did that happen? (not that there is anything wrong with NOT kissing on the lips).
Angela, if the blog is private it doesn't update automatically.
I just reread my comment & it sounds so mean. I didn't mean it to come across so rude. Sorry everybody! I think what works for you & your kid(s) is great. Plus every kid is different like Angela said. I do kiss my kids like crazy just not on the lips. The boys try to run like I have cooties, but it's all just a game, they love it. And I must say that I love my family & the way I was raised. There was never a doubt in my mind that I was loved & still am (I hope, after making such an insentive comment earlier).
Oh Shaury - I think I knew what you meant. I'm too oblivious to be easily offended. Besides, I think it's okay to both love our upbringing and still find humor in some of our family's quirks. Hopefully I didn't offend you by making fun of your "green bean" love.
I think it's totally fine as long as the kid doesn't feel weird about it.
I kiss my kids on the lips. If they ever seem like it bugs them, then I'll stop.
You're a great mom, I wouldn't worry about it.
If you're concerned, ask him- he'll let you know if he doesn't like it.
P.S. Still lol-ing about the pervert mother comment.
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